*Checks Phone* *Checks Phone Again* *Checks Phone*

best friends : the ones that you can get mad at for only an hour

because you have important stuff to tell them.

I don't know what i am about to write but what i do know is that i have an amazing erge to write. This is most likely going to result in me becoming extremely pissed off because i don't know what i'm going to write next so i will just give up. I just sat for five minutes with my hands on my lap trying to figure out what to write about. I'm going to ask someone for a topic.

Kaitlyn says i should write about how in love with her i am.

Izwan says i should write about how good looking he is.

Kaitlyn, well hot diggity dog. She's a hottie. I probably traumatised her with my random outbursts about contortionists. I don't see her as much as i would like to.We came up with the excuse that we are both lard to actually move to see each other, but i have a great feeling that this is going to change if Bradley dosen't steal you every weekend. Either way, i love you.

Izwan, he used to live behind me. Then i moved. To tell you the truth, i don't know how good looking he is because i generally see him when i'm off my face. It seems to me that he thinks he's rather attractive. I suppose we'll all just have to take his words for it :D

I'm gonna ask a zillion people what i should write about and i will do whatever they say. But I've got to post this so i don't keep those two hoes waiting. So, i'll do another one or two or 1798568894458632568891 soon (:

Unintentional, I Don't Know Why All This Is Coming Out.

-Cousins-

I'm scared to admit that you might have feelings. I try as hard as I possibly can just to put down everything you say, because it cannot be true can it? I'm just me, leave me alone, don't like me, don't love me. I will never love you back. I have no heart left to love or I never had one in the first place. I can't like anyone but I still kid myself. I hate that I feel nothing for you, and yet I tell you I do. Please don't talk to me. Why would you go out of your way to get to know me? I'm just me. I will try to avoid you at all costs, I'm too scared to fall... Because then what? what after that? It makes me feel physically sick sometimes that i DO like you so much. What can I do. I want to like you without your feelings in return. Maybe it would be best if I just disappeared out of your life. wish i could just disappear.

I'm extremely happy.

I'm just waiting for Raif's call, he said Allison & Sean wanted to catch a movie i don't know what movie. Anyways, no idea, why i put that as the title. I haven't typed in awhile though. I've just been busy with dance practices, school, and junkkkkk. Right now, i'm in a gooooood mood (:

Oh yea, met this new guy, Nick. Well, we just started "dating" a couple weeks ago (like every chance we get) He likes me, but i don't know. I'm too shy or something. I know right? Dosen't sound like ashlee... but maybe i really like him or something and i don't wanna mess it up? I am not sure. Let's just say, it's probably a crush but i hope something comes of it.

- Friday:

Yesterday had ups and downs.

First, I avoided him the best that i could.

I don't like drama when it concerns me.

Nick gave me a hug the first second I saw him and he drew

me a cute little picture thing that said "You should meet this

girl ashlee, she'll teach you to be pretty"

When i read that, i smiled. A lot.

I had a fairly decent half day from there.

Just in case adults get involve in this, i won't make any comments

on this.

I'm totally over it though.

I got another hug out of it so it was worth it.

Then it was dance practice.

We get into the studio for like 10 minutes and have to get changed in

like 5.

That's not enough time for me.

So i ended looking like crapp, but that's alright.

He said i looked beautiful either way (:

Then on the bus we played iPod games and just sat there.

Talked to them the rest of the way home.

Then i babysat.

The kids are so cute. Their really good for the most part (:

I've got trouble thoughts and a self-esteem to match, what a catch.

Why wont you let me go? You've got my heart in a death grip, squeezing until I cant live anymore. You aren't good for me. I can't eat, my thoughts make no sense. My parents are worried, asking me "why wont you talk". They think they've done something wrong but it isn't them. It's you. I don't know what to do.Let go of my heart. Please let go of my heart. Break it for all I care.Throw it on the ground and stomp on it. Without you, I won't be able to breathe for a while. But it's all about learning to breathe again. I'll learn to live again without you, like you will for me. We don't need this to stay alive. What I need is my life. I'm sorry.

Just let me plug you into my world

When i listen to them, they remind me of you.. It's comforting when you're not here.

I am listening to them.

One song in particular was running through my head, earlier on today.

This afternoon. It always makes me happy when i listen to that song.

Reminds me of you.

Today i said it. I do not regret it. Because i am, i know now.

Stuttering and sniffling, a teardrop down my face.. along with another three.

I said it.

I'm in love with you.

That's Just The Way It Is.

It's silly how you lie to me.
whats the point in lying about it when
you know that i already know the truth.
i dont like you
and you don't like me.
fair enough - just please stop talking shit about me.
your being so pathetic about it all.
he is yours, happy? :)
end of story.

You Don't Need To Know Who.

Ijan & Ashlee

That's how bestfriends look like :D

1) I hope his skateboard breaks

2) I hope someday his rotten heart would subside

3) I hope i'll get the chance to strangle him the next time he piss me off

4) I hope he'll realise how freakin useless his friends are

5) I think that everything he said was bullshit

6) I think that he is the most irritating guy in the whole wide world

7) I think that he is very self-centered

8) I think that he is crazy when he gets angry

Theres just so much more... And right now i can't even think of anything positive about him. Cause there simply isn't anything like for real!! I'm not sure of how i'm feeling though but oh my.. i miss being loved and cared so much. It is so damn irritating when he's full of himself most of the time. And not forgetting, when the whole conversation of ours would turn into his complaining session with me.